EXPECTATIONS REGARDING THE LEGAL SYSTEM

Many people naively believe that, if they can just get the judge to listen to what their ex did, the judge will make things OK. Well, it doesn't work that way. Why not?

Many judges who routinely hear divorce cases become jaded and callous, adopting the attitude that if two grown people cannot resolve their differences without resorting to the courts, then they deserve whatever result the system decides to impose.

Because there are two sides to every story, judges often find it impossible to figure out who is right or who is telling the truth in the short time they have to deliberate.

Often, a judge will apply direct pressure to the lawyers and litigants to work it out among themselves. Sometimes a judge politely asks the parties involved to work it out themselves. It is not uncommon, though, for divorce judges to lecture, belittle, shame, threaten, and punish litigants in an effort to get them to work it out or to get one party to give in to the other. Some judges are purposely irrational, unpredictable, inconsistent, rude, or insensitive, perhaps in the hope that the parties will be sufficiently cowed to agree on a resolution rather than taking the risk of letting the judge decide for them.

People going through divorce often see their own position as the "right" one and cannot believe a judge won't see it the same way. But a trial is not about the truth; it is the telling of a story. What the judge hears will depend on how good a storyteller your lawyer is and how convincing you and your witnesses are. If you are stiff and wooden or overly emotional and hysterical, the judge may not believe you or may sympathize with your spouse. The judge may have gone through a messy divorce herself, and you may remind her of her ex-husband. The judge could have a very negative reaction to you for some reason, and you may never know why. Although judges are supposed to be trained to put aside personal prejudices and biases, is this really possible? You must realize that whenever you turn a decision over to a judge, as opposed to reaching agreement with your spouse, you are both handing over control to someone else, someone about whom you know very little and over whom you can exert only as much influence as your lawyer can muster.

I may try to put certain things into evidence before the judge that are excluded for technical reasons. For example, things other people have told you may be excluded because they are hearsay. Some things may be ruled inadmissible because the judge finds them to be irrelevant. And certain people may not be willing to get up on the witness stand and testify against your spouse under oath because they are afraid of repercussions. What actually comes out at a trial may not bear any resemblance to the way things really are.

All of these things factor into the Court’s decision in your case. It is important that you consider this when going through your divorce and trying to resolve the issues associated with the dissolution of your marriage.

This information is provided to you as a fairly simply overview of common issues and concerns.  There are other things that can come up in divorce proceedings that you may not have read about in this summary.  Every case is different to some extent.  It is important that you not rely on this information to handle a difficult legal situation yourself.  I hope the information provided is helpful to you and helps you understand the process that we will be going through. 

I have lots of clients come to me during their divorce case and tell me that a friend who is lawyer told them that the case shouldn’t last this long, or that they should have won a particular motion that was filed, etc.  It is important that you don’t substitute their judgment and advice for mine. I am guessing that they do not have the type of specific knowledge about your case that I have learned during our attorney/client relationship.  Without a complete understanding of your case a person cannot give you accurate advice.

I look forward to assisting you in getting through this difficult time.